Poems – love peace poetry

It's insanity
This stalking presence
This predator breathing her hungry breath down my neck
What does she want?
What is it she seeks?
I would feed her if only to free her,
For of a truth she is shackled to me.
The desperation of her bondage is as palpable as her pain.
I can't soothe him because what she seeks I don't have.
What she craves eludes me.
What she craves I thirst.
I can't give her what I'm running after,
So I try to calm her presence even as it drives me and torments.
My eyes meet hers in defiance, to challenge her will.
The fuck you want from me?
I'm alone too!
But when I would rail at her a tear falls from a specter I can't even see with natural eyes.
And yet her grief is my grief,
Her pain as tangible as the knife twisting in my breast.
We search together for substitutes and wake unfulfilled.
We wake to a mocking laugh at the futility of it all.
What's the point, she whispers.
Weighing on my back, on my mind,
Tearing at my peace like a rabid animal.
I search in the dark for the light,
Searching for that point she is inquisitive of.
The reason and the meaning behind why me.
Ahh, but there's another voice.
She's throatier, stronger, more forceful.
She has the point in the midst of our turmoil.
She dismisses her counterpart as effectively as a horse a fly.
She knows our point and is not lax in sharing it.
Our point is...
Shit, I lost her looking at the empty side of this bed.
No, really, I'm listening.
What's our point?
I can listen.
For real, for real.
I can listen.
But in the time I'm listening you have to understand.
In those moments where I'm accepting your feedback and even your rebuke,
You have to be willing to feel just a small bit of my pain.
You have to acknowledge the emptiness I'm battling on this whole other level.
See, I know what you have to say.
I know why you'll say it.
I know why you dismiss this pity party.
I know you see deeper than me.
I'm not saying you're wrong.
I just don't know if you can feel my pain.
On this higher plain of consciousness,
Can you condescend to understand the snapping, snarling bite of loneliness?
Can you lower yourself just for a second for what I'm feeling to make sense?
Maybe not.
Maybe you shouldn't.
Perchance your purpose is to push me beyond the quagmire in which I'm stuck.
Your mission to bring me to where you are versus joining me,
However briefly, where I am.
I want to come up to where you are.
It's not easy that journey;
I've tromped many miles on my way to you.
And yet here I am, wondering if the fight is worth the reward.
There's something comforting about this beast at my back.
Something familiar about her desolation.
So easy to sit and wallow.
To turn away from the responsibility of climbing higher.
All because of one thing.
One thing I crave and eschew almost in equal parts.
Just one thing.
Number two on a top 3 of unresolved issues.
This one thing I can't shake hope for.
That hope is the scent drawing my stalker to me.
She'd mock that hope, devour it,
Devour me.
I see your hand asking me to move forward.
Just move from her to a place that welcomes hope,
Embraces strength.
Set before me...
A choice.
Not to turn from one thing or to another.
A choice to choose hope and choose life while hoping.
All I have to do is reach out and step into the warming light of accountability and tenacity.
They are lurching,
Halting these steps.
But one step at a time, I feel rays of hope warming me,
Healing the wounds I gained in this fight.

Waiting

I keep waiting and you just won’t show up.

I’m enraged.
I’m broken.
Waiting, not knowing how long the wait.
Hoping and smiling through the hope.

I just want to talk to you.
There’s so much I want to say that I can’t say to anyone but you.
No other human will get me the way you get me.
I’m not important to any human the way I’ll be with you.

The question torments should I let you go before you come?
Should I abandon this desire?
Is it more harmful than helpful?

What are you doing?
Like, right this minute, what are you doing?
At any moment do you crave me as much as I crave you?
Do you understand how much I know you’ll get me?

You’ll appreciate my humor,
Temper my sarcasm,
Hold me when I need your arms.
We’ll share our dreams and make plans

That sounds so mundane.
So… boring.
But I know to you, it’s okay.
You’ll help me get out when I want to stay in too much.
I’ll be your reason to stay home sometimes.

You get this, right?
Say you get it.
It’s balance.
That’s what we bring to each other.
That’s what we will be for each other.

If you’d just hurry up.
Is it my fault?
Am I not where you are?
Am I delaying our meeting?
Have I just not been at the right place, at the right moment, with the right frame of mind?

In other words, have I not been ready.
My heart is ready.
I just want to be with my best friend.

You’re so real to me, I see us laughing together.
I see us holding hands for no reason other than we need the connection.
I haven’t said it straight out, but I love you.

Just so you know.
When you get here, I love you.
I was born loving you.
I was born with you in my heart.

I know there’s a page in our book that says Pam meets you.
I know all the pages in the middle matter to the end.
I’m simply impatient to get to that part of our book.

Be safe, my love.
Make good choices.
Live well and have fun.
Experience life and adventure.
I want your before me to be as rich as your after me.

I’m going to live and experience the richness of life.
I’m going to experience all I can of this life with intentionality.

Just know through it all,
It’s your face I seek in the crowd.
Your voice I’m waiting to hear.
Your smile to shine into my life.
Until we meet…

Shoot Your Shot (Come Thru Prequel)

I want you.

Not forever perhaps.

Maybe just tonight.

Your thigh is pressed strong against me,

And I want.

I glance over just a flicker of thought,

Watch your arm flex as you open your bottle.

I watch you swallow,

I follow the movement of your Adam’s apple, up then down,

Rhythmically.

That smooth brown skin disappearing into the copse of your beard.

Running into full lips and a tongue catching that errant drop of beer.

I feel a tug and it’s your gaze beckoning mine.

That amaretto stare intoxicating me.

I want those eyes on all of me.

I want that mouth on mine.

What are you doing, you ask.

Honest, I don’t know.

Your head tilts quizzically,

If you want to keep this safe, watch TV.

I realize then, I don’t want safety.

I want your danger.

Pausing, consenting,

This is just friends having sex.

Okay.

I mean it, I reiterate,

Not stopping his hands urging me to straddle his hips.

Say it; this as a demand.

I’m your friend.

His breath feathers my lips, Corona breath making me thirst,

I’m your friend and I want to have sex with you.

His hands are already on my skin.

Pressing into my back, urging me closer.

I feel him firm against me.

I don’t want to quibble because you didn’t say what I wanted.

I don’t want your mouth for talking.

I lean into his kiss, feeling my bra surrender as surely as did I.

I lick his lips.

Not to be provocative but because they needed it.

The heat is consuming me.

I lean deep, curl his tongue into my mouth.

I groan not to tantalize but because the sound was pulled from me.

I find myself at your mercy with very little persuasion.

Were you always thinking about this and I was too much girl to know?

Or are you man enough any “yes” can start your engines.

Don’t insult me.

He’s over me, straddling my knee,

Stealing breath and staying every question.

I want you.

Now.

He slides down my body and I swallow my breath on a choked gasp.

You make sure I’m prepared for your possession.

Your mouth.

Mercy, that mouth.

You ready?

The only answer I can give is my hands pulling you up to cover me.

Craving your possession.

I feel you against me, protected and aggressive,

An oxymoron.

Beseeching, afraid.

We’re friends?

Always, he whispers, pressing home.

Not home, I revile myself,

Back arched, straining for more still.

This is just getting off.

Praise.

Repeat.

Don’t builds dreams, girl.

Just revel in the moment.

Stay with me, he whispers, pressing deep.

Let me make you feel good.

Come for me.

As if I could stop it.

My will was ripped away by his prowess.

My body buffeted by your every stroke.

I want to scream but I don’t have the breath for it.

I gasp and grip you to me.

As I fly apart, I know I’ve made a mistake.

I pull you closer, hiding in the moment.

This is just sex.

It doesn’t have to be anything else.

Even if it is.

I feel you come hands clenched by my head.

I feel joy that I did this to you.

Pride that weakened this warrior, if only for the moment.

My eyes close as you sink down against me.

I cradle you to me for just a moment,

Secreted in the afterglow.

I need you to go.

I need time to process what I’m feeling.

That was…

We don’t have to name it, I say.

My eyes want to well up.

What the entire fuck have I done?

I watch him dress, languid, eyes low.

I’ll call you, he says.

I believe him.

We’re friends.

I’ll let you know when I want you to come through, I tease, as he gives me one soft kiss.

As the door closes, the moan comes I couldn’t find when he was inside me.

What the entire fuck have I done?

Invention

An act or instance of creating or producing by exercise of the imagination.

Re meaning to do something previously done.

But better

I’m all about reinvention right now.

The previous product was lackadaisical and lacked motivation

So it’s time for migration

Migrating to something more real

Stronger, more enduring

Something not tethered and tied so tightly to reality

As to block the blessing of creativity

The grace of artistic license allowing one’s thoughts to consume what is

To fuck reality and create a baby of art and inspiration

A baby that cries out for change

Cries out for motherfuckers to be as hungry for change as you are your addiction

Crying in the night,

Begging fake growth to come in the light of a new day.

Invent some shit

If what’s invented don’t work reinvent some shit

Let the most active part of your mind be that which creates and leads

Be the lamp you need; it’s in you

Be the hope that devoured hopelessness

You are capable

You always were

If you need reinvention to motivate movement

Change it up. Just be

Before someone defines you and stalls you

Be the you you dreamed about.

Be the you you prayed about

Be the you you cried for

That you would die for

The you you killed your former self for.

Be.

Whether you are or aren’t the same, motherfuckers that hate you now

Will hate you still

So why wait

An invention

Courageous

What I’m about to say to you pushes me so far outside my comfort zone,
It is nonexistent.

My resolve in this is unwavering.
I am about to give you a degree of power over a queen.
I am handing you the reins of a priestess and hoping you will be gentle with the temple that comes with her.

Today you can become a lord.
Today I would place you on a throne, second only to one.
If there is any doubt to my intent,
I’m telling you, flaws and all, you are perfectly designed just for me.

I would hold up a mirror so bright with my love,
Only your majesty is reflected.
Look through my eyes and see royalty.
Where the world calls you peasant,
I call you King.

I call you head.
I call you my love and welcome you as my lover.
I see in you a great line.
I see the power of your seed and can barely contain the joy of carrying our beloveds under my heart.

Today I surrender wholly to what I have run from.
The hope of our tomorrow.
Where previously, I tucked tail and stuck my head in the sands of doubt,
I now rejoice in the triumph of your arrival.

I was unsure how this could ever be real.
How after so many years of lonely isolation,
So simply, so suddenly, your hand is here to hold my own.

Now I celebrate joy was here to warm me through cold nights
Your strength here to shield me from fear and doubt.

I don’t know when readiness presented herself.
Perhaps around the time wisdom slapped me around,
And hope took me by the hand.

Whatever the time or the reason,
Here I stand, digging deep for a surety that is rooted in faith more than in anything my eyes could see.
Here I stand, more courageous than I have been in this life.
Here I am, hand extended, in not just love,
But surrender.

My gates are open to you,
Prepared to welcome you with much fanfare.
With great honor.

You have laid siege to my keep and come away the victor.
Your victory is not yours alone, but ours.
For in your win, and my capitulation,
There lies days filled with shared laughter.
Where one toiled, now there are two.

I, your Queen, bow to your Kingship.
Welcome, great warrior, to the home of our love.

Honesty

What is honesty?
What is truth and real?
I know in my heart, but I hide it from my head.
Duck off behind purple clouds and fermentation.
Hoping when I come up for air from these illusionary acts,
I won’t remember the truth I hid from.

But it waits for me.
Truth sits on the side of my bed watching me sleep.
When I arise he is right there,
Eyes sad, hand extended.

One more sip and he fades,
One deep breath and I don’t see him.
I feel him.

Even when my eyes can’t see and my mind won’t think,
I can feel him.
Waiting.
Ever so patiently waiting on me to stand up.
Face truth and embrace honesty.
Bind both with mercy to my heart.

It’s just so scary, you know?
That moment of clarity.
Of honest reflection where you see your true self.
Shortcomings and all.

My hope?
Some of the ugliest babies grew into the most beautiful adults.
Perhaps my ugly baby still has time.
I’ve stunted growth with distractions, but It is not set.
It is not over while I yet draw breath.
Labored and battle weary though it may be,
I yet breathe

My hope yet lives.

First Sight

Eyes as the sea, swirling depths of wonder.
Like waves they carry me away and I am parted from heart.
It now rests in your palm, I at your mercy.

It was your eyes that grabbed me.
I kept staring, lost, locked in ocular embrace,
Devoid of choice, yet awash with hope.

Hope that this vision could yet love me.
There was desire; I would not taint this moment with lies.
But beneath desire, in you I saw night’s warm embrace in your arms.
I saw kisses to my brow, stroke to my shoulders.

On your tongue, behind hidden pleasures,
I imagined words whispered in quiet embrace.
My warrior.
My King.

In this instant before your name yet finds home in my ears,
I want to be him.
I would fall to my knees.

Please, God. Let me be him.
Grant privilege to your servant to spend my days being the man she deserves.
I would honor her prayers with my life if I could but share in her days and revel in her nights.

Introduction is made and my heart spurs to hasty proposal,
While my reason cries for patience.
I love you… Your hair.

I sound an ass, but my being yet soars that I could speak with she who I have prayed for.

I am unworthy.
I am yours.
I am….

Gladiator

We played in the margins, a footnote to those perceived greater.
In silence, we but hoped.
In hope, we but waited.

Such mad hope to have when blessed sun stands hidden behind the shadow of giants.
Hope well rewarded with mad genius.
Patience sees our ranks swell, honor restored.
The shadow of our promise fulfilled as we arrive in the flesh,
With the force and ferocity of a lion cub growing into its paws.

We stand.
We fight.
We win.
We triumph.
They tremble.

They offer us the sincerest form of flattery,
Bathed in the stink of their fear.
Fear that we rise above them.
Fear that the joke now crafts the punchline.

We played in the margins, a footnote to those perceived greater.
In silence, we but hoped.
In hope, we but waited.

We stand.
We fight.
We win.
We triumph.
They tremble.

They offer us the sincerest form of flattery,
Bathed in the stink of their fear.
Fear that we rise above them.
Fear that the joke now crafts the punchline.

We do not rise, yet are risen,
Like Phoenix from fucking ashes.
Our cry trembles in your breast like the beat of songs.
Like song, we move you,
Our passion pursues your thoughts.

You wonder how we have risen, but favor is unseen.
You wonder what we’ll do next, but our vision is a secret, held close to breast.
You wonder where we’re going next.
This we have no need to keep darkened.

Is it not clear?
Is purpose hidden from men of wisdom?
We are going to the top!
We rise above recognized heights to party in the heavens!

Like gladiators we turn from slaves begging scraps,
To heroes, rulers and benefactors.
Battle scarred yet beautiful.
Weary of step, yet ready to spring into action,
Leaving sleep as honored gift at the conclusion of this war.

Watch.
Keep eyes toward our movement.
Watch and learn.
We may yet teach you how gladiators play.

Is it not clear?
Is purpose hidden from men of wisdom?
We are going to the top!
We rise above recognized heights to party in the heavens!

Watch.
Keep eyes toward our movement.
Watch and learn.
We may yet teach you how gladiators play.

Beautiful Death

Shaking my head, while everything in me is crying out yes.
Please, yes.
My hand reaches down, grips your hand,
Nails dig in.
Moons form just as I howl, holding you tight to me.

Stop!
If you stop, I may kill you.
This must be wrong.
Right can’t feel this perfect.

Teeth rasp across the skin of my nape,
Reaching back, my hands pull you so close we’re one well before we’re one.
My breath stops waiting, full of anticipation.
Wanting to be full of you.

I want you.
I need this.
You can have me.

Hand to glove, you have to fit.
I can wait.

I feel disconnected from reality.
Consumed by the feelings we’re creating.
Before you touched me, I could see the science of this.
I could think of hormones and nature.
The necessity of continuing a species.

Yet, this is so much more.
As I feel you full and deep to my heart, I can’t care if anything continues beyond this.
This I need.
You I want.

Vulgarities want to pour out, because even though I love you, I’m not trying to make love.
We can make love later.
Now, fuck me.
Maybe even hurt me a little.

I laugh, half crazed as you bite my neck driving home your point.
I see you agree.
It feels like forever and this can’t last.

Hand locked in my hair, lips connect and its primitive,
Too intense to be cute.
Primal instincts have us on fire.

Until finally, like a flash we are at the top of that peak.
Prepared to die a little, together we leap into the flames.

It is a beautiful sleep.

Category: Poems

Dark Deeds

One Thing

Waiting

Shoot Your Shot (Come Thru Prequel)

Invention

Courageous

Honesty

First Sight

Gladiator

Beautiful Death

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